We did it!!!

Man what a rush! I have completed a 5 month journey from February to June, the quest to complete the 100 miles from Winchester to Eastbourne in one day.

And I have done it.

Lets start from the beginning - what I can remember of it anyway.

Got some amazing news during the week, I was quite concerned at the fact I would have to try to complete this on my own. Nothing like a bit of company to help out. So the bike god sent me Damo!
















Damo is a XC whippet and needed a good training ride, so he contacted me during the week to tell me that he was going to do the ride as well!

Amy dropped me off the start at about 0530, and I farted about a bit and was horrified that there was about 200 people who had been on carbs and energy bars and one working toilet - nice start to the day.
















Damo pitched up and at the 6AM start off we went, but it was quite woody and foggy at the start and neither Damo or I were particularly familiar with this end of the SDW.
















Consequently we were cautious for the 1st 20 mile leg to 1st Checkpoint at the Queen Elizabeth Country Park to avoid wrong turns. I would like to explore QECP at somepoint as it looks like there are some good trails, anyway, we stopped and had a chat with a XC whippet who was having a fag, and he was still lightning quick!
















As you can imagine, over a 100 mile ride things kind of blend into a blur from here; but we laughed at people going the wrong way and going down massive hills only to ride back up them. Also the huge number of punctures people were getting - one guy had 2 on the way from the B&B to the start, but in the end we left the woody end and began to recognise things, we had reached Bignor Hill, the most westerly point of my training runs.
















This was a pleasant feeling, but also I knew that I had two fierce hills in Amberley Mount and Cardiac to come.
This is an elevation profile showing the size of the hills in the 1st 3rd

Once we hit the open downs and the fog lifted the Sun came out - My god it was hot yesterday, and balancing the weight of water vs hydration became a major consideration.
















At we blazed through 35 miles at Cocking (tee hee) as I needed to meet Amy at Devils Dyke by 230PM for my lunch but by the time I had walked up Amberley it became apparent that I wouldn't get there in time.
















Change of plan and I met Amy at Botolphs Checkpoint and wolfed down some pasta and refilled with additonal shot bloks as I was now on 6 Per Hour. Time for a quick hello to the kids and off again up Truleigh Hill and on to the 65 mile point at Devils Dyke where I was supposed to meet Dan, my paceman for the last 35 miles.

The 2nd 3rd gets slightly worse!
















He found a puncture so we would eventually met him at Pycombe Golf Course, and it was great to see him as by now I was in a pretty dark place. I know myself pretty well, and I had mentally prepared myself to have to dig deep and grind out the 30 or so miles between Botolphs and Itford. These are the hard mile where energy is low and you are are not close enough to the finish to get excited, and i was getting a little concerned at this point as cut off for the Itford checkpoint was 630PM and I had about 2 1/2 hrs to cover some serious miles. But meeting Dan at Pycombe, nicking his banana and laughing at his lycra shorts and sun visor strangely lifted my spirits and we got there in 2hrs.
















Damo was taking some family time at Ditching and caught us up at Itford, leaving about 45 mins after we did. show off.

We were 16 miles from the fisnish at this point, but just what you need after this is to go from sea level to 651 feet 3 times in 12 miles - this pain is the Firle Beacon/Bostal Hill combo into Alfriston, Windover Hill and Jevington. I had tales of these 3 killer climbs, but I was prepared for them, and Dan was a great source of encouragement as he had only ridden about 15 miles.
















At this point I started to become quite stunned at the number of people who tried to wing 100 miles. I was talking to a guy who had driven down from Yorkshire who was really struggling at Southease. He had a bad back, sore knees and he had left his car in Whiteways car park which locked at 9PM, (this was at about 6).

Also stopped counting at 27 punctures - I estimate that at least 10% of the riders had punctures - Stans might be a pain in the arse but it works. The Dark Phoenix Steed cruised it, and after 84 miles the fact you can just point it downhill and it does the rest was well appreciated.

Also - some people were taking it way to seriously, especially the prick herein known as "Mr All The Gear But No Idea" who muscled past me on a single trail in his matching kit and bike whilst muttering something about my pace. Pity I saw him at Itford loading his bike into his car bandaged up and a taco'd front wheel, obviously his pace was a little hot for him. Cock.

Anyway - everyone told me about Firle and Jevington - but Windover Hill was absolutely brutal! Definately the worst climb of the lot and by now my Shot Block intake was 1 pack per hill, and I had 1 pack left for Jevington.

By now our "Paceman" Dan was feeling the pace a little, and 2 months of the bike highlighted a small fitness deficiancy. Bless him. Anyway we all cleared Jevington hill, and at the crest....
















Eastbourne

Damo took over and tried to get us into Eastbourne in 12hrs riding time, but we got lost and I finished in 13hrs 15 mins riding time. The kids and Amy were waiting and they ran over for hugs as I collapsed on the grass - a real emotional moment for me, and I collected my medal. Even though he didn't enter I got one for Damo as well, but Dan will get his next year.
















Thanks to everyone for the support I have had - this has been a great journey for me, but what now?

Well, there is this thing called the South Downs Double - Winchester to Eastbourne and back again...200 Miles.....24 hrs......


Maybe........?

Stan is an arse

Mein Got in Himmel!! The day is nearly here, Saturday at 0530 I will be at the beginning of the end of this journey.

In reality if I had just handed over £1,500 to the British Heart Foundation I would have saved myself 5 months of shit. But I wouldn’t have a seriously fine Steederinho as I do now, the Specialized Pitch Dark Phoenix, I would be ratting around on the original Steed which was not a patch on this bike.

Also I wouldn’t have friends. Now every Tuesday, work commitments permitting, I blast around the Downs for a couple of hrs and the sink a couple of Guinness in the Thomas a’beckett pub. We discuss the evenings ride and relive the crashes and getting lost in seriously spooky Clapham Woods (there is something wrong with that place), and the number of punctures that Deadly gets. And Deadly Dave gets load of punctures, sometimes 2 a ride. Which leads me onto the penultimate subject of Richards Crazy Idea…..punctures.

There is a puncture god, his name is Stan and he is a vengeful god who is poised to strike at the moments you are most vulnerable.

Such as when you are 50 miles from home, he’ll throw a flint shard through your tyre and make you walk, or mid winter in the freezing rain burst both front and rear tubes and make you forget to pack the spare, thus ensuring a trailside puncture repair with numb fingers. Bastard.

He also smites mercilessly those who mock the afflicted, such as me, (and clearly Deadly Dave also). I like a good laugh, and sometimes there is nothing funnier than someone’s tyre exploding, but I stifle through fear of the Puncture God…Stan. No Stan has bestowed on mankind a way for a chosen few (who have a spare £50) to have their cake and eat it – the “Stans No Tubes Conversion Kit”

What this kit basically does is remove the need for an inner tube, as it is the piercing or splitting of this that causes punctures. Tyres are much tougher and less prone to piercing, and by using a tyre sealant called “Stan’s Juice”, you have a very effective puncture resistance. It is however a sod to fit, a story i will save for another time and guess what happened the 1st time out?

Yep – sidewall of the tyre split and I got a puncture.

Damn you puncture god.

But now we are fixed with new tyre and ting, Steed is raring to go, and I am as ready as I will ever get. I have a secondary cause now, as the BHF is important but didn’t really push my buttons, I am also raising money for my daughter’s school, Laurels 1st School Worthing in support of their appeal to raise funds for outdoor play apparatus. The most recent Ofsted report highlighted that they were a bunch of weaklings and needed to build upper body strength, and I think a decent set of Monkey Bars is a must for any Junior School.

I have broken the route into 5 legs of 20miles and each will need to be completed in 3 hrs;

1. 20 = 3hrs
2. 40 = 6hrs
3. 60 = 9hrs
4. 80 = 12hrs
5. 100 = 15hrs

I am anticipating legs 3 & 4 to be the hardest, as they are the mile I will have to grind those out and find a way to keep smiling. I’ll take a video diary and record my thoughts and feelings at the end of these legs.

So, there it is, the next blog will be your humble narrator commenting on the success or failure of this epic adventure.

One thing is for certain….it will be emotional.

3 weeks to go dudes! 3 weeks!

My good god what a ride! Fantastic swoopy singletrack and glorious endless downhill runs. Wake up Crawford, I rode out for a full on training ride today – 70 miles, just me, Dark Phoenix Steed and Amy’s IPod, as I have lost mine.

Training recently has taken a blow, as my customers have, quite rightly, demanded my time more so I am spending more weekdays away from home. Consequently I am missing Amy and the kids, and having to take a whole day at the weekend to train is taking its toll on my dear wife.

She is with them 6 days out of 7, and I can barely manage 1.

Still only 3 weeks to go until the big day, and to be truthful, your humble narrator can’t wait until it is over. Every cycle I do is measured, and analysed for speed and distance. I worry about farting around on jumps and heading over to Whiteways singletrack because I should be putting the XC (cross country) mileage in, but I enjoy singletrack and jumps, I don’t much enjoy XC. Not anymore, and especially not after today.

After summoning what little energy I had this morning to get out of bed, and after procrastinating, breakfast, some more procrastinating and realising had no spare inner tubes – I set off for the mission of doing as close to 70 miles as I could. Why 70? Well it’s 70% of the overall distance, and I am pretty convinced that I can find the extra 30% from adrenaline and general pigheadedness, which, I might add I have in great abundance, just ask Amy. In fact ask anyone or talk to my kids for 2 minutes and you’ll see that it runs deep in the Crawford-Small line.

Anyway, I passed by Quest bike shop to pick up some tubes and pissed myself and the slack jawed teens ogling the new Saturday girl. Who is very nice and suggested that on a long cycle I may want to try some Clif Orange Shot Bloks. Why not I thought, give em a whirl.

After further procrastination I finally left tar macadam for dirt and headed for the SDW, a few slight detours and little bit of getting lost I got to the SDW about 10AM and put my head down. I found it quite difficult to get the old Quadracep pistons going, it takes me about a 10 miles to get going but soon I was churning out the miles aiming for about 35 before I turned around and headed back.

It was pretty uneventful on the 35 miles out from Worthing, I was pleasantly surprised that Amy’s IPod didn’t churn out the expected endless stream of Pop shite. Instead I was treated to some Stevie Wonder, The Prodigy, Chemical Brothers, Foo’s…all good high BPM stuff. OK there was the occasional Take That tune, but I was in a good mood. Funny thing; when I got home I congratulated Amy on her musical selection, she replied;

“I have Chemical Brothers on my Ipod?”

You lost the cool points love.

Anyway, I hit an almighty wall at 35 miles dead on, my legs just ground to a halt. Even a full pack of Jelly Babies could stir them into life, I just ran out of energy. I was surprised, because usually I, like the true Stallion that I am, can go on for hours.

What was I to do? God bless new Saturday Girl – the Shot Bloks to the rescue!!! 75mg of caffine and some Electrolyte and the Quad pistons were back. And pretty bloody powerful to! So we shot of towards home, and this is where it gets interesting (or not depending on your point of view).

Ramblers top tip. When walking on the South Downs please remember to spread yourselves out across the entire trail at every opportunity. This will ensure confrontation, especially with the knackered but caffine fuelled hyper MTB’er who wants to get past.

Honestly, this steeeuuuupid bint just wouldn’t move, despite my best “Excuse me, do you mind if I get past?” I was raised to be polite, even to bints. I assumed that she was actually deaf, so I thought that I’ll get a bit closer and try again. She hears me this time and steps INTO the bike pushing me up against a fence, causing a slight elbow injury.

She compounds this with a big mistake. Obstinacy. Slight tangent here but I generally don’t get on with our older generation, as I find them pompous and rude. Its like when you hit 60 you suddenly change from moderate to hardline, from Democrat to Republican, from a sound bloke into a total arse.

Anyway, she says “you should have a bell?”, now from anyone aged 59 or under an apology would be delivered and an insincere enquiry as to my condition. No, not this old bag, it’s now my fault that she walked into me.

Being all caffine charged I considered going all Mike Tyson and knocking her out, but settled for “No I don’t have a bell, but do you not have a brain? You stupid cow”.

That would do.

The rest of the ride went ok, and I returned weary after 7 odd hrs of sheer tedium. Riding XC on your tod is very boring.

Sacrifice and discovery

Ouch, bastard ouch - my Quadraceps Or thighs to you are killing me.

I have "support" from the boys at Sussex MTB, which basically means them dragging me up 2000ft of hills every time we ride. I'm not knocking it, with 8 weeks to go I am supremely confident that I can complete 65 miles of this event.

65 miles is the natural break point in the event at Devils Dyke jsut north of Brighton, and it is here that I expect to reach at around 4PM on the day. Here will hopefully be Amy and the kids to cheer on Daddy and replenish him with Ribena, Nature Valley Maple Syrup Granola bars, Jelly Babies and Haribo Tangfastics.

However it is also here that I will face the biggest challenge;



I will have cycled 65miles, my legs WILL be shot and I will be stumbling like a newborn gazelle
I will have cycled 65miles, my arse WILL be sore and I will be walking like a Rhino's ho

Temptation will be saying.... "Rich mate, you have cycled 65miles, your not in great shape, your legs are heavy, your arse hurt and those hills are BIG!! Maybe we should just get in L'oeuf bleu sportif and go and have a bath..........."

NO!



I am destined to complete this run, and greatness will be mine - this is my biggest single physical challenge of the last 10yrs, I have sacrificed time with my family, guitars, sweat, and probably some tears soon as well. My nuts have suffered much chafing, I have crashed into trees, bramble, other bikes, ferns and hedgerows.

But what a journey so far! I have rediscovered my love of tinkering with mechanics, and pretty much rebuilt El steederino from a 2007 Marin Hawk Hill SE into a 2009 Specialised Pitch "Pimp", with Carbon Fibre, Magnesium and Billet Aluminum bits.



I no longer smoke
I am a piss quick - my booze intake has plummetted!
I have rediscovered my jawline, my waist and Quadraceps - I haven't been in this kind of shape for a good while.

I have also met friends - Its my birthday barbee next weekend and for the 1st time I actually have friends I have met here coming over. And purely a result of a decision I made to cycle 100 miles has improved my life immeasurably................

Karma clearly agrees that this is the right thing for your humble narrator to do at this time of his life. But the deal is that it I must raise £1000 for the BHF, not big numbers - but £10 per mile is worth the effort.

8 weeks to go.....what else will happen?

Its been a while and I'm Sorry

My god it's been ages since it last wrote - and yes true believers I am back. The sheer deluge of emails, letters and teenage girls crying on my doorstep begging me to resume became unbearable.

Where have I been and what have I been doing I hear you cry? Well simply image that my since we last spoke, I have been on numerous Bond like adventures and we will pick up my mild mannered alter ego at around Easter time.

April 3rd, 0530, Worthing. - Mountain Biking in Wales!!

How exciting it was, the story begins at Crossbush McDonalds, known locally as The Angry Fanny, where the convoy of Sussex MTB escape children and wives to become Superheroes for 4 days. Accountants, Plasterers, Salesmen, Techies no more - we were gods!!

A swift blast in the Citroen Picasso (L'Oeuf Bleu Sportif), down the M4 later and we arrived at Cwmcarn MTB Playground, and rode up a very big hill, jumped off loads of stuff and then rode down it very fast. That is basically it for 4 days, we just did that, with varying degrees of severity on climb, jumps or downhill.

I have also got rid off the nasty habit I had of dragging my rear brake. That is where you constantly have the brake on as a comfort blanket, when you should just roll with it. How did I do it?

The brake stopped working!!!! Tippytoeing gingerly downhill on front brake only, nearly crashing as I was too slow at Cwmcarn I thought "screw it, how bad can it hurt?" I let the brakes off..................I can honestly say that in 4 days I learnt so much, simply by watching the other riders, where they brake, body positioning etc.

The sad thing is that I have reached the end of the road with parts of El Steederinho. The performance in Wales was admirable - and we were not shamed in climbs or downhills - but my god my arse hurt like a mofo! I have decommissioned the frame and front fork of El Steederinho, and replaced with a full suspension Specialized Pitch Comp. It is still The Steed, but pimped up, kinda like Dark Phoenix is still Jean Grey but with extreme PMS.

April 18th, Swinley Forest

The new improved "Dark Phoenix with PMS" El Steederinho and I took to the trails for the shakedown ride and oh my god!! It is phenomenal! As with "Jean Grey Steed", the only standard parts on this are the frame, shocks handlebars and seatpost. The rest is pimped up, top of the range shit.

The Dark Phoenix is just better handling, faster, more stable, more comfortable, better climbing, better downhill and better on the flat.

And it jumps!!!

So that is where I am up to....... had the biggest crash of my life with The Phoenix - hurtling downhill I caught the wider bars on a branch and the front wheel slipped out. I was in the air long enough to see the bike slide under me and think "This is gonna hurt".

I am having soo much fun, but i had better get back to the serious side of this journey and get some serious miles in.

Until next time

Rock on.

Spring - a collection

An apology

Greetings true believers! I owe you an apology - it has been brought to my attention that to donate through JustGiving.com you have to enter your credit/debit card details. I didn't know this and I am a little pissed off about it, as that is a donation and surely goes against the whole idea of sponsorship?

I am sure there is some reason, but I am disgruntled - sponsorship is about someone getting off their arse and using it as a motivating factor in achieving something. If all of the money is already raised why bother? Its almost as bad as Chugging!!!

So, I would ask if you want to donate, please send me an email to chardo709@hotmail.com with the amount that you will pay on my successful conclusion. Once I have completed the ride I will hunt you down like dogs and extract the cash from you, just like the "Disco Against Drugs" event at school. Except this time I won't buy a £10 draw with the sponsorship money, what an Irony.

If younhave already donated, thanks for your trust and support - if you haven't, please do!!

Don't Crash!!

Interesting place England in that it is divided neatly into two, and one half is called The North, and the other is The South.

I have spent much of my recent weeks in the areas known as "The North", and I can tell you there is nothing like driving back from Huddersfield on a Friday evening to make you get out on a bike on Saturday Morning!!

So, how have things been going I hear you cry? Very well thank you, I have been training well, and the mileage is increasing, and also I have been getting faster on Tuesdays night ride, but I was suitably humbled last week by a strange occurrence, which forms our lesson for today:

Crashing and how to avoid it.

I hadn't actually crashed for ages, not down to any particular natural talent, more probably luck and the lack of recent rain, but lo and behold a voice came from afar and put crashing firmly back on the agenda. Let me explain.

Once upon a time your humble narrator was a dashing and handsome 16 yr old young man, with an ego the size of a celestial body. It is now around the size of Uranus, but back then it was a proper Jupiter sized, 16 year old know it all little shit ego that only 16 year old know it all little shits could have. Anyway, I was seeing a girl who lived in the sticks outside Reading, and her lil’ sis had this moped, long story short, I gave it the big ‘un, the old, “yeah, I’ve nicked loads of bikes and I can ride hard core. Chuck it here and I’ll show you some shit” kind a thang.

So your humble narrator gasses the shamefully poor 50cc Honda Shopper, shoots off and crashes into a barbed wire fence in front of said girl and lil sis. To add insult to injury, the family Dog chooses this moment to rape my leg. I have a scar on my leg to this day from that fucking fence.

Any way, I log on to Facebook to find the following message;

“Richarrrddd, I was reading your very funny blog on your training regime. He he nice one, nearly made me laugh as much as seeing you flying into a fence on a scooter - ho ho”.

And guess what? Yep, the day I read this I went out for a ride and crashed coming downhill at about 25MPH, hit a root and BANG! Upside down in a bush of the sharpest bramble you will ever find.

So the simply put, if you want to avoid crashing, don't give it the big 'un.

Never could stand that dog.

One Month Done

Well true believers I have completed my 1st month of training, and overall not bad.

I have gone from being knackered after 10 miles to knackered after 30
Lost over half a stone in weight (17.4 to 16.7)

Saturday was a comedy of bike related errors. I wanted to join the ride from Quest, the local bike shop as it’s a nice social ride with some nice people that culminates in cake. However the pace is usually quite sedate and with a lot of riders you get a lot of punctures and mechanical hold ups, and I wanted to get in some serious miles, so I was to be up at 6, ride to Devils Dyke and back and join in the Quest ride at 10AM.

Also gave me a chance to try out new kit on the bike (Tyres, pedal, and grips all wore out), and I have a new hydrating rucksack!!

Perfect, except the Steed has had different ideas, and decided that I needed some lessons on wheels. Being a big chap, obviously the stresses, or radial compression, I place on the wheels are quite high, and the wheels that came with the Steed are a bit on the cheap side. The wheels go round, the spokes compress and bend and eventually they fatigue and the wheel begins to buckle. Additionally, the hubs aren’t sealed and we have had water in the bearing and worn them down, which means the wheel wobbled from side to side. Long story short the back wheel was a bit f**ked!

I popped round to Jim the bike whisperer during the week, to see if he could help with re packing the hub and see if that helped. It didn’t, but we had a nice chat, some of Amy’s lovely Banana cake and Tea and I now know how to repack bearings. Seriously, Jim is the Cesar Milan of MTB, The bike whisperer. My front wheel was doing all sorts of misbehaviour on one ride; in fact it nearly fell off. Jim calmly took it off, caressed the cones and put it back on. Job done! One MTB in a calm submissive state.

Anyway, back to Saturday, my alarm didn’t go off as I forgot to set it but I got out the door at about 7, with a mission to ride for 1.5 hrs and then turn around and head to the bike shop to meet the guys. I got as far as Cissbury Ring and the back wheel just gave up the ghost with some horrid grinding noises, and your humble narrator nursed the Steed to the bikeshop to wait for Darren to turn up. God bless Darren, he basically rebuilt the hub in 1hr and got me back out for 10AM! The bad news is that basically I have cheap shitty wheels and being a fat bastard, they are going to do the same again. So I must look into getting some quality wheels – at £285 a pair!!!!

I can feel another guitar being sold.

The second mechanical mishap (yes there was more than one), was the quick release mechanism for my seat breaking. That was a right pain in the arse, as we were just about to do some righteous downhillage and I had to brace the seat post with a mudguard clamp. Stopped it from going up and down but it span round and round, really annoying and made me crash a lot in a very short space of time.

Fortunately we were very near to the village of Steyning; I offer gracious thanks to the proprietor of Steyning hardware for helping to fix the seat. However, I offer this statement to the remaining villagers:

Fcuk Steyning.

What an uptight shitty little place!! I admit that 30 odd MTBers invading your blue blood twee Tory shithole could be a little intimidating and gangs of middle aged accountants rampaging through the village must be very upsetting. We wanted to take a breather whilst the running repairs were completed and we were clearly very unwelcome. Apparently at one point, it nearly came to blows in the newsagent. People of Steyning – stop taking yourselves so seriously, and lighten up!

Until then, Steyning is on the list of villages I have a beef with, along with Chiddingfold, Shiplake and Botley. Arseholes. However the butcher in Chiddingfold makes exceedingly good sausages.

I reckon I can find a few more before this mission is over.

Rock on!

Tales from the sea

I am sooo pleased I was in the Royal Navy, I didn't know it at the time but the lessons I learnt from various sailors, and the occasional Captain have served me really well;

"Life gives you nothing for nothing, give it your all, and take what you can when you can". Chief Petty Officer when I left Ark Royal

"you can't polish a turd!". Leading Hand when noticing I had painted over rust.

"We will never quit a battle as it guarantees we lose; but I will make sure pick we pick our battles well. If we lose I picked the wrong one to fight".

Captain Richard Hastilow as we sailed to Bosnian operations in The Adriatic Sea

The most valuable one was the 1st one; 24th June 1991 HMS Raleigh

"If you get through basic training, the rest is a doddle. There is nothing in the fleet or in life that will push you as hard as this will. Don't wait - do it again NOW". CPO Yorkie Broom to me after I had failed my Swimming Test in basic training. I had one more attempt to pass or that was it; out of the Navy - he made me do it again as soon as I failed. You do your swimming test in the 1st week, and then you are passed on to a different instructor.

I passed and I bumped into Yorkie in a pub in Plymouth about 3 years later. He actually remembered and told me that he knew that if i took it straight away I would pass, if I had waited the pressure would have got to a 17 yr old your humble narrator and i might have struggled.

He also told me that another guy in my position he made him wait and he failed, I asked him why he did that and he simply said;

"Some people just won't make the grade - some will given a chance, I gave you a chance".

I still think about that sometimes, and how his decision pushed my life in such a different direction; Successful in the RN, went to Uni, good job, wife, kids, house etc.

Could have been back to Reading with no qualifications.

I won't let him down.

Ain't nuthin' but a thang.

Greetings true believers, you humble narrator has been quietly chipping away with the training, and it appears to be going well. As I mentioned in previous musings, my focus was going to be busting hills and after a month of it I can keep up on the Tuesday rides with the Sussex MTB crew now, and am not breathing out of my arse after every hill I go up. I have now switched to cycling in higher gears to try and get the arse breathing sensation back as I miss it. I truly am becoming obsessed, I actually went up a bastard of a hill, known locally as "Cardiac", and thought, "ooh that was fun, lets do it again!!" So I did, and I even did a ladder drop off, which to the uninitiated is basically jumping of stuff on a MTB.

So, what has enabled this strange burst of enthusiam and energy? Well seeing 4 kilos disappear is very encouraging, now down to 107, so about 10-12KG away from race day weight and 118 days to go. The endurance side is really improving, I cycled from home to Devils Dyke (yes I found it) which was 29 miles. I was absolutely knackered, but considering 1 month ago I was knackered after only 10 miles, things are going in the right direction.

My equipment is feeling the pace, the rear wheel bearings are clearly on the way out so looking at a new wheel or hub. Also the hand grips, pedals, and tyres all need to be replaced, I need a new Hydration rucksack and the saddle was replaced with a more cheek friendly design 2 weeks ago.

I watched Tropic Thunder, one of the funniest films ever and the sight of Tom Cruise in a fat suit shouting about a Hobo's dickcheese had me pissing myself. He is quite funny for a Scientologist, whereas John Travolta clearly has no sense of humour. I think Tom finds the whole L-Ron Hubbard thing quite funny really, and it has helped him make loads of cash, yet old John Trav takes it way too seriously, I mean come on! Aliens, for F**ks sake!!!! (Please don't send the boys round to hurt me, oh, I forgot I live in England not Hollywood. We know its not real). You dick.

Anyway, Robert Downey Jr playing Kirk Lazarus playing Sgt Lincoln Osiris has provided me with my hillbusting mantra that I may have emblazoned on the bike and t-shirts........ "You never go full retard!"

Not really.....



"Ain't nuthin'but a thang".

I see the hills in the distance....."Ain't nuthin'but a thang".

100 Miles....."Ain't nuthin'but a thang".

Things I have learnt

1. I can do this

Went out yesterday on a 40 mile ride, from my house to Devils Dyke nr Brighton. It is part of the route that I will be riding in June, and I want to build up the mileage by about 20 miles per month on my massive weekend ride.

Feb - 40 Miles
Mar - 60 Miles
Apr - 80 Miles
May - 90 Miles
Jun - 100 Miles

I am increasing my weekday evening rides to 2 Hrs Mon/Tues/Thurs/Fri.
That should do the trick.

2. Buy a map

One small challenge is that I didn't complete yesterdays ride, I didn't make it to Devils Dyke as I couldn't find it. Somehow the South Downs Way left me, I pedaled mightily on in the direction of Brighton and somehow I ended up going in a 16mile circle.

Picture the scene... Friday morning 0845 - The South Downs Way:

"Hi Amy, this will take a little longer than I thought, but I will be back to take the kids to see Bolt. What time does it start? Right see you later".

"Puff, puff, puff bloody hills, puff puff wheeeeeeeeeeee (Downhill bit) RIGHTEOUS! RIIIGHTEOUUS! (Fast downhill). Cool, that looks like the A27. Hang on, Findon, f**king Findon!? How did I end up further East that I started? Bollocks, I'll take that track there"

"That pile of mud looks familiar"

Friday morning 1045 - The South Downs Way:

"Hi Amy, I seem to be at exactly the same point I was when I phoned you 2 hrs ago."

"Yep, I'll have another crack on Sunday, when I have bought a map!"

Bugger.

Goodbye old friend.

This MTB lark is not cheap. In fact it is a very expensive hobby, not as expensive as a Brian Harvey/Danniella Westbrooke level cocaine addiction but still requires outlays of cash. £150 here for parts and service, £30 there due to ripping the batty out of my shorts, £2o for a saddle that won't render me nutless, it all adds up. So Mrs C-S has finally put she foot down and said "Oi Crawford - NOOOO! I admire your desire to lose some chub and raise cash to help the Cardically challenged but I want a landscaped front garden. MOFO!"

Don't get me wrong, my wife is extremely supportive of my hobbies, and has always understood my obsessive nature with them. After a trip to Paris I started listening to Bluenote Jazz and discovered a fantastic trumpet player called Lee Morgan. He truly is was an amazing musician, he played the trumpet with the same reckless abandon that Jimi Hendrix played guitar. In order to fully appreciate his genius I bought a Trumpet and began learning to play. You can imagine how quickly Amy brought in the "Anti Trumpet clause", and since then it has sat unloved in a corner. I also bought a new guitar, A Gibson Les Paul, a brilliant instrument, plays metal, rock, blues, Jazz you name it, it sounds great.

However, I already had a guitar. When my Grandfather died in '97 he left me £500. The probate cleared in'99 and when it nestled in the bank account I went on a £100 bender and spent the rest on a Fiesta Red Fender Stratocaster the following morning whilst still pissed. Ypu can tell I was still a bit wrecked because "Fiesta Red" is also like, "Deep Salmon Pink Porn Guitar Colour". Anyway, despite it being the gayest colour ever I have grown quite attached to it, however, this mad crusade is going to take its toll on Le Steed, and I must part with "Shanger".

I do get attached to my shit, and also the Trumpet is on ebay, but friends, I think by now you must understand how important this event has become to me. To sell my guitar, bought with the cash left to me by my Grandfather to pay for parts that will wear out, it is emotional.

But, being a half full kind of guy, I reckon that by selling my Fender will help pay back some of the cash spent on the Gibson, allowing that guitar to take over as the heirloom left to me by my Grandfather and become the new "Shanger", and thus releasing funds to pay for the unkeep and maintanance of the bike.

Makes sense to me.

Completed a sterling effort on the night ride. Clearly it is pointless taking any photos but I may try and film some downhill runs so you can see how utterly terrifying it is.

Terrifying, but really exhilarating!! 30MPH down single track is great fun, and I am convinced that you ride faster because you can't see where you are going. Fell off too. Ouch

Now true believers I must prepare for tomorrows ride with a glass of wine and Aliens v Predator: Requiem.

Rock on.

Right at the roundabout

Greetings true believers! The training goes well, I managed to get a couple of sessions on the stationary bike in whilst in Dublin. Kept things ticking over nicely for todays Bataan Death March onto the SD. Deadly chose a different way today, out towards Arundel which was a truly momentous moment.

Let me tell you why.

For those of you who haven't yet gathered I live in a Seaside town called Worthing, which is OK but you have to always put "near Brighton" whenever anyone asks you where it is. Amy and I met while I lived in Hove, but we had to move to Farnham for a while but we always wanted to move back to Hove. Indeed, my daughter was born at the Royal Sussex and is therefore a Brightonian by birth.

Worthing, in my snobbish mind, was basically a bland giant care home punctuated by the occasional Burberry check of Otto Von Chav. However it was much cheaper than Hove and would be a be a good base for us to find somewhere in Brighton or Hove, whilst enjoying the lower prices. Consequently I never really bothered to get to knew the place before we moved or since, but I knew two key facts; that it was near Brighton, and that it was where Oscar Wilde wrote "The Importance of Being Earnest".

During my 1st week here I discovered other key facts;

The cinema is shit
The pubs are shit
The shopping is shit
The restaurants are shit
My son is a Porkbolter*
Old people on motorised Invalid Carriages are bastards
*People from Worthing are called Porkbolters

However, it didn't bother me as soon I would be returning as the prodigal son to Brighton, right?

Wrong, Mr C, very, very wrong.

Thanks to the collapse in house prices and the current economic environment, one thing has become clear for many people around the country:

I hope you like your house, you're not going anywhere else for a while.

So suddenly, I began to realise that Worthing has some pretty nice things going for it;

I can buy fish off the boat
I can buy a seriously white pair of Reeboks
There is a really friendly MTB Club















I can go kite surfing (eventually)
I can stroll by the sea

The South Downs are beautiful!!















One other strange thing is that the magnet towards Brighton has weakened, and i now have to accept that i live in Worthing, not Brighton - which also means i have to turn right at the roundabout. I found there is a Sainsburys, and a NEW part of the SD!!!















I picked up the Steed from Darren at Quest at 10AM today, shining like a new pin with some new parts that are more reliable. Apparently they will also save me 300g in weight. Well bloody hell, I reckon I can save 3kg by having a big dump. (Thats also free not £150 sterling).

Holy Shheeeeaaat! The mud god shined on us today, the bastard.














As you can see from previous ramblings we have recently had snow, and snow melts and creates mud. which is very draining on energy, as obviously you are having to lay down some power to get through which is knackering.















I ran out of steam quite badly, so I need to learn how to fuel for these rides so my muscles have sufficient stores. It was lucky that we stopped at Hikers on the A24 for a Sausage Roll or I would have collapsed, but 3rd ride out today and this was the toughest. Hopefully now my body will now start to adapt to the stresses placed on it and get fitter.

Body, please hurry up.

The other thing that happened is that my shorts decided to give up the ghost to day and split in half, by the time I got home I was wearing a skirt. Good look.

El Steederino was caked in mud by the end, so I got Spike to work on it, he did a good job too. Had too as I wouldn't let him in until it was squeaky clean!















But another 20 miles cracked today at ave 7mph, getting better. Getting stronger.

Have my 1st night ride of the season on Tuesday, which will be a laugh -

Rock on!

Arse

More numbers - 111.1. That is what I weighed this morning before breakfast, in kilos. Sheeeeat! No I did not then go and eat the contents of the fridge followed by some pork scratchings. Just one of those things that sneak up on you I guess! Anyway, I consider it to be motivating, a bit like a comment this weekend when I discussed the ride with an acquaintance.

”aren’t you a bit fat to do that? You have no chance”

Cheers mate and F**k you, if you fancy a bet on it put you money where your mouth is and sponsor me. Good to see you by the way.

A motivational genius, should go on tour with Anthony Robbins. I have that smug gits face in my mind every time I think of this ride. I can't wait for it.

The Footie was fun, West Ham v Man Utd and Man Utd won 1-0 pretty unsurprisingly. I am actually a Palace fan, but I enjoy watching football played on the ground, not like volleyball. The Hammers gave them a good run for their money, but watching football live gives you a different perspective on teams. West Ham are a good side, Man Utd are an unbelievably good side, they are absolutely flawless in defence and can score from anywhere. Cristiano Ronaldo is a class apart, but it is a crying shame that the World and European player of the year is an utter cock. The Hammers fans kept winding him up by singing "You should have died in the tunnel, died in the tuuuunnnneeel, you should have died in the tunneeeeeeeeel". Harsh but fair.

2 x 30 Press ups and sit ups this morning, and Steedmeister went in for his MOT……150 Quid!!!!!!!! He needs a few parts that have become prematurely been worn from my extremely poor maintenance, and he has covered a fair few miles. Apparently grit and oil create a nice grinding paste that knackers your transmission, so clean before oiling. It needed doing, as a snapped chain 30 miles from home would have sucked, but I could have done without the cost though.

Your humble narrator will be of round the country for a few days in the Emerald Isle – but fear not, I will post I am sure.

Ouch! My bum hurts

Met up with the Quest riders this morning, and embarked on a pretty gruelling ride, but we will get to that in a bit. Met a very nice Lady who "recognised me from somewhere"......turns out she used to be in the Royal Navy too, and we were based at HMS Dryad at the same time. Small world.



Also caught up with Deadly Dave, who is a sterling chap; very knowledgable on the various trails the South Downs (SD) have to offer and deceptively quick up hill. I hadn't seen him in a few months, (and he has since take the look of an Antarctic explorer) but we got on well and are going to be doing some more endurance runs in the next few weeks and months.









Anyway, the ride was excellent - but unexpectedly very cold on the SD. "Unexpected!?" I hear you cry. "Have you not seen that the UK is under 26.3ft of snow? FOOL?". I have, but here in Worthing we have an unusual Microclimate, as we have the sea to the South, the River Adur to the West, The SD to the North and another river to the East.

Apparently, this means that the temp in Worthing is generally slightly higher than our Neighbours, such as the peasants in Brighton, who have no doubt spent the week snowed in singing and writing poetry.




Anyway after that thrilling interlude, don't just take my word for it I have pictures. The 1st hill nearly killed me, but as I warmed up I got a good Ready Brek glow going on and managed to hold a pretty good pace on the flat. My achilles heel, and the absolute key to success on the randonnee is my performance uphill. Shut it Capel.


I was averaging 3.3mph on some of the climbs, which is walking pace so I need to learn to love hills. The last 35Miles of the run are the miles with the big climbs so I need to improve my general fitness and stamina to be able to mash this up.

We covered around 17 miles today, at an ave speed of 6.5mph, which is OK. If you recall my target ave is 10mph, but at least in know now what that pace feels like and I have a good run under my belt.



El Steederino performed very well, but is booked into Quest for a service on Tuesday. The rear brake needs adjusting, lateral movement on the rear wheel, the top cog in bent so I have lost 5 gears and needs an all round tweak.




I am a little knackered and my homemade Lucozade Isotonic (Salt, Sugar, Ribena and 3 litres of water has made bad magic in the stomach and now pints of boiling hot magma come from my bottom.



Roll on Saturday, next ride in anger, but until then I will be doing general fitness activities. You sometimes forget how beautiful this country can be...



Will let you know how I go.

Rock on.